Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
