Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's paint friendship bongs
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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