So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He did a backflip because drugs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize