I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
its liver damage thursday
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