just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
