I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
