if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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