Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
