hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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