Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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