just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
