I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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