I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
