I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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