Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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