I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
