can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do herpes really smell.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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