two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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