I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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