I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
