what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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