i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your penis caused this!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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