Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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