i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
