420 ftw
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
