is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
