I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
