will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your cock deserves a montage
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
