pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize