love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
