Will you blow on my dice?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
