I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
