i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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