Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
