If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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