I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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