For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
