How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
