Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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