I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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