I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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