so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize