I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
a search helicopter?!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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