I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
