You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
