So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
