you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
