cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
