I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
