Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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