I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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