Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
