There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
