why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
