I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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