My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
