yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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