the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize