I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
