Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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