yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
