Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
