I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
