I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
