that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
