It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize