..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize