she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Come on in and take your pants off
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