omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
