I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Its about making memories worth repressing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
