I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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