I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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