Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
