I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
