Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize