Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
