ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
