My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
