his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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