Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
