I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
